you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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