I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
