drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How does one acquire holy water?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
