Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
