omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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