careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
