We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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