Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
