I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
