Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
