Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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