Soap is not a condiment
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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