oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
