Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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