im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
