The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
