So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
