they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
