You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
