I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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