I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
