Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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