I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
