Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
