I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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