I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
