they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
