Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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