And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
