You work out of a Hotel?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
