So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
