I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
