I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
