Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
