Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
