Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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