I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
