I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize