As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize