so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
