hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
