dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
