im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The feeling are messing with the penis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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