You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
