I heard we made out
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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