it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
