I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
