i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
