Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
