you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
