I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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