idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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